Younger Girls and Older Men

“More than one in four babies born to mothers between the ages of 15 and 17 were fathered by someone who was five or more years older.”
Child Tends Research Brief: Sex Between Young Teens and Older Individuals: A Demographic Portrait. Sept 2005

WHAT IS STATUTORY RAPE?

In New York State the age of
consent is 17.
If you are under 17, you cannot give consent or agree to have sex.
Statutory Rape is sexual intercourse when:

  • one person is under age 13 or
  • one person is under age 17 and the other person is 4 or more years older than the younger person

Statutory Rape is against the Law!
In New York State, statutory rape is a crime.

  • The older person is committing a crime and the younger person is the victim.
  • The older person could go to jail or get a criminal record

Statutory Rape is never the younger person’s fault… no matter what

  • Even if the younger person said “yes”
  • Even if the younger person pretended to be older
  • Even if the younger person has had sex before

Statutory rape holds the older person responsible… no matter what

  • Even if he or she does not know the law
  • Even if he or she plans to marry the younger person
  • Even if he or she did not know the younger person’s age
  • Even if the younger person’s parent(s) said it was okay
  • Even if the other older people are doing the same thing and not getting in trouble

Statutory Rape Applies to any kind of relationship where sexual intercourse occurs.

  • Older male + younger female
  • Older female + younger male
  • Older male + younger male
  • Older female + younger female

What You Need to Know

Emotional Coercion is when one person pressures another person to have sex by making them feel bad about themselves, or threatening the relationship.

If someone tells you...

  • You’re so immature, maybe I’d better find someone older.
  • If you don’t do it with me, I’ll find someone who will.
  • The way you kiss me turns me on. What do you expect?
  • If you don’t want to do it, why are you dressed that way?
  • Everyone else is doing this. What’s your problem?
  • If you really love me, you will do this.
  • I pay for our dates, I buy you things-Why can’t you do something for me?

...IT’S EMOTIONAL COERCION.

Sexual Fraud is when one person uses compliments or promises to trick another person into having sex.

If someone tells you...

  • I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.
  • You are so special.
  • I want to marry you someday.
  • You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever dated.
  • You make me so happy, and I just want to make you happy.
  • I love you so much.
  • I’d never do anything to hurt you.
  • You can trust me, I’ll take care of you.

…IT MAY BE SEXUAL FRAUD.

Imbalance of Power is when one person in a relationship has more power than the other person. When two people are several years apart in age, there is a power imbalance.  An older person may have more power because he/she:

  • Has money or a car.
  • Knows more, has more information.
  • Has experience-has done more things.
  • Knows how to argue to get what he/she wants.
  • Is bigger, stronger.
  • May be more trusted by adults.
  • Is “Cool”, and has “cool” friends.
  • Has freedom to do more things and make own decisions (stay out late, go where they want).

In a relationship, the older person can use their power along with emotional coercion and sexual fraud to convince a younger person to have sex.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you are being pressured to have sex…
If you are in a sexual relationship, or you are thinking about having sex…
If you are dating someone several years older than you…
If you are feeling confused or scared about your relationship…
If you are in a relationship that is moving too fast for you or making you feel uncomfortable…

Talk to an Adult You Trust

  • One of your parents or step-parents or a friend’s parent
  • A teacher, guidance counselor or other adult in your school
  • An aunt, uncle or another adult in your family
  • an adult friend
  • a counselor at your local sexual assault program

It Helps to Talk

  • To get in touch with your feelings
  • To hear another view point
  • To learn about options and get ideas
  • To figure out what to do
  • To get support

Talk to Yourself Too

  • Remind yourself that statutory rape is a crime, and the younger person is the victim.
  • Don’t blame yourself if you are a victim of statutory rape.
  • Ask yourself if you are being pressured to have sex. Write down your feelings.
  • Listen to yourself. Are you confused or uncomfortable?
  • Think of a supportive adult who you can talk to.

If Someone You Know is Dating Someone a Lot Older

  • Tell them what you know about statutory rape
  • Let them know you are concerned
  • Be supportive, Listen.
  • Suggest an adult who they can talk to.

Information developed by, and used with permission from, the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape, with funds from the PA Department of Public Welfare. Created for PCAR by Equalogy, inc., October, 1997.